Lying seems to come naturally to some people. They’re not bothered by the outcomes, even if it’s their health that might be affected. For example, when people think it’s a good idea to lie to their doctor. They also ignore the fact that even if the medic buys it, their test results might end up revealing the truth. And still, some people stick to their untruthful ways.

Medical professionals revealed some of the most foolish things patients have lied to them about to the ‘Ask Reddit’ community. Redditor u/KyeLindsay asked them to share their stories and they didn’t hold back from doing so. Their examples discussed everything from lying about one’s age to trying to cover up stab wounds as the most bizarre of incidents. Scroll down to find the stories in their own words.

#1

Their age. Had a woman say shes 30 when she clearly didn’t look it. Oh well I move on to other questions. Look at her files and lab reports have her real age on them. 41. Like y tho? What difference does it make lying to healthcare staff? This is health related, not ur tinder profile. Nobody gon see this n go I aint dating an old lady. Btw she was married with children.

Image credits: BariumBromide2

#2

I fell down onto my couch and a cucumber was sticking up between the cushions. It went right in.

Image credits: B1Turb0

#3

"Do you have any medical problems?"

"No"

"So no diabetes?"

"No diabetes"

"What medications are you taking?"

"Metformin. For my diabetes."


I facepalm every time

Image credits: Retinator99

#4

Honestly the "dumbest" lies are the one people who lie about how much alcohol or other drugs they use. Alcohol and benzodiazepine withdrawal can kill you, and if you use opioids from the street than you likely have a higher tolerance and may need more medications in the hospital so be honest, I truly don't care how much you drink/ use, I just don't want you to get worse for something we can plan for and prevent.

Image credits: Shazamshazam2

#5

I spilled all my adderall down the sink…again…twice in one week…of finals week at uni…

Image credits: Oojin

#6

Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident. X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don’t know how he didn’t fracture anything.

Image credits: Cybariss

#7

I had a lady tell me she had no idea how she got a rash she had on her face. I left the room, gave report to the MD and when I walked back in with the doctor she looked at me and said “I didn’t think you’d be coming back in the room” and then proceeded to confess that she’d been cheating on her husband and thought she had herpes. She did not have herpes.

Image credits: Physical_Witness_922

#8

Woman comes to emerg with complaints of vaginal discharge and discomfort.
Pelvic exam initially reveals significant yeast infection, but there appears to be a foreign body in her vagina.
“Is there something stuck inside?”
“No, I don’t know what’s in there…”
Speculum examination reveals a very soft mandarin orange, peel still on.
“Oh, that! We heard it would improve our fertility…”

You can’t make this s**t up.

Image credits: Drilmagus

#9

“I haven’t had sex in five years”

-woman who was actively in labor in the ED.

Image credits: Soulja_Boy_Yellen

#10

My dad neglected to mention he had no teeth... since 1976. We found out in the ICU. In 2022.

Image credits: mommagolly

#11

“Do you smoke cigarettes?”

“No, I quit!”

“When did you quit?”

“This morning”

Image credits: BagelAmpersandLox

#12

Had a patient show up the ER with a wound to the back of her head.

I say, “Hey Ms. X, what happened?”

“I don’t know, I picked up chicken from the gas station and went to bed. And this morning I noticed I was bleeding”

I start inspecting the wound. Looks like it tracks pretty far, and there’s this strange cotton-like material sticking out that is also tracking too deep to visualize. I press her some more about the circumstances because my ER Doc spider sense starts going off.


Me: “Were you assaulted? Did someone harm you? Were you in a car accident? Did something fall on you”

Patient: “No. I just went to bed. Maybe I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom”

Finally I decide to send her through the Donut Of Truth (aka get a CT scan) of her head before me and my trusty scalpel start seeing where this trail of mystery cotton leads.

The lady had a bullet lodged up against her skull bone.

Still don’t have an answer to the cotton, but I’m guessing the gun fired through some cloth.

When I told her she had a bullet in her head her response was “Oh. weird” and then she went back to playing candy crush on her phone.

Image credits: HoopsyDaisy

#13

Patient: “I haven’t drank alcohol in months!”

Patients family: “It’s true I’ve been with her the whole time.”

Me: “Ma’am your alcohol level is 325.”

Patient: “Impossible! I would never lie to you!”

Image credits: jorgeojungle

#14

My son is now a radiologist. When he was an intern, had a guy come into get an MRI. They ask the normal questions about metal and told him to remove all metal and put it in a locker. The dude rolls in and lays down. Machine goes on and removes the knife from his boot. F****d him up slicing up his body.

Image credits: Jayhawker_Pilot

#15

Paramedic but this is a good one. We got called for “a man running down the street covered in blood.” While waiting to see if the cops found him, an off duty cop stopped by us and said he was looking for a guy who was breaking into an RV storage lot, and said he pumped 2 rounds of bird shot after him as he ran away. Nobody was found, so we headed back to station.

5 hours later we were called to a man who said he was in a car accident and had 80 pieces of bird shot in his back and legs.

Image credits: bradorsomething

#16

Once I asked a patient if he had done any surgeries in the past and he said no. When we did a CT abdomen he had one kidney and signs of scarring, so I went back to ask what happened to the kidney. He said he has no idea and started winking at me and sweating. I took the hint and came back later when he was alone, turns out he sold his kidney because he lost a lot of money gambling.

Image credits: Karakiali

#17

Not a surgeon or doctor, but an Anesthesia Nurse/ OR Nurse...
But a mom directly lied to us about her 12 year old pre ENT surgery.

We always confirm with the pacient and legal guardians all the pre surgery check up:
Name
Age/date of birth
Any past medical history
Common medication, and medication took in the last 24h
Surgery proposed
Last time you eat or drink anything

The thing is in the last item of the check list the mom lied... Her answer "no he doesn't eat anything since yesterday", the kid confirmed. Note that it was 4 PM.

Outcome:

Surgery went well, no problems. When comes the time to remove the tube... The kid starts vomiting tons of rice and beans... When I say tons I mean at least 1kg of said food.
The kid aspirates part of the food against our best efforts... We aspirate do everything we can including a broncofibroscopy.

Everything ends up ok, the kid survived, no further complications and recovered to full health in only 2 days.

When confronted about the lie, and explained how her son could have died, the "Karen" mom said "what could I do?! He was ungry and eats like a bull! Who am I to say he can't" We all lost our pacience and just said "HIS MOM!!! , he could and was close to dieing because of this"

Conclusion: Please take the fasting period, and pre surgery recommendations seriously, any doubt be honest with your health team.

Image credits: Togarriapa

#18

Adherence to medical treatment when I have literally pulled their pharmacy records and know they haven't picked up their medications in over a year...

Image credits: DDmikeyDD

#19

Dad is a physician and has a million funny stories. He told me this one from a few decades ago:

Had a patient come into the ER with a towel over his groin, covered in blood. Claimed he was cutting vegetables in his kitchen and the knife slipped. Dad takes a look and the guy is butchered down there. Had to call a urologist in the middle of the night to consult.

Guy eventually confesses to trying to give himself a circumcision because he didn't want to pay the $200 it would have cost. Urologist was able to help save... 'him', but it cost a helluva lot more than $200 for emergency penis surgery.

Image credits: southernmayd

#20

One dude lied about being paralyzed after a lumbar puncture. Get a call from nurse patient says he can’t move legs following a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). I called the team that did the procedure and they assured me there was no indication of this sort of injury happening during the procedure but agreed with my plan to get an urgent MRI. I go to examine him and nurse says she thinks he moved one of his feet. Next thing I know he says he can actually move his legs again but they are feeling weird. Then this weird feeling turns into intense pain and he asks for intravenous narcotics (dilaudid). I tell him no because this story makes no sense.

By god it was a miracle I tell you when this man walked himself right out of the hospital after I refused the iv narcotics.

Also, the MRI was normal.

Image credits: materiamasta

#21

I work in ophthalmology. I see patients nearly every week that are faking vision loss. Most often, it's to try to get disability. Sometimes it's just attention seeking or extreme stress/anxiety. In rare cases, patients truly believe they cannot see or have convinced themselves they cannot see, when all exam findings and testing are normal. It's called "non-organic vision loss."

Image credits: Fotographyraptor

#22

1. Patient says to me; I was outside gardening while naked and I slipped. That’s how a massive potato ended up in my a*s.
Anybody want fries while he is waiting to get it removed?


2. How did you get that stab wound in your abdomen? I put a knife on the kitchen counter and forgot it was there. Then I walked into it.


3. Me - Have you had anything to eat or drink today prior to your surgery?
Patient- No (…with a half eaten candy bar in front of them).
Me - Are you sure? Because if you have, you could vomit upon going to sleep and it could enter your lungs, causing you to die.
Patient - then yes I have, I had half that candy bar.

4. This one guy repeatedly used to come in saying he hadn’t s**t in 7 days. This would usually necessitate a rectal examination with a finger. Thats why he kept saying it. Patient used to come in every time the new doctors rotated in, who wouldn’t be wise to his tricks.

5. One guy came in feigning unconsciousness. Did not respond to even the most painful of stimuli (some of these were pretty painful). Did not budge. We were talking amongst ourselves about intubating him. He then opened his eyes and said “they did that last time, I didn’t like it”.

Image credits: Muted-Application-27

#23

Dude came in asking for a second vasectomy. It’s been 10 years since his first vasectomy with numerous sperm counts all being zero throughout the years. He now has a new baby. His sperm count is still zero and wants the vasectomy “fixed”. Didn’t know if he was lying to himself or not.

Image credits: mrsuicideduck

#24

Med student atm but when I was shadowing a surgeon in college he told me about the time he had to remove a power rangers megazord from a dude’s r****m cause he was “cleaning” his sons toys with his clothes off. Apparently everything was so dirty he decided to strip and just “”slipped”” onto it

Image credits: Popular_Roof9602

#25

Occupational physical.

Have you ever had surgery?
No
Reveal chest. Ziper scar from a CABG.
Oh, yeah forgot about that.
(Forgot about a heart bypass)

Image credits: WH1PL4SH180

#26

When I was a Peds nurse, I had a super trashy lady come in with a 2 year old. She said the baby wasn’t eating or drinking anything. We admit the baby and legitimately start getting concerned because the food trays aren’t touched, no wet diapers, not drinking her juice, etc. Weigh is staying the same though.

The pediatrician asked me to sit outside the room and watch through a cracked window shade (that looked into the room). So I watch and this mother is shoving pizza and soda down this baby’s throat, the baby obviously has no interest for the mashed potato’s/chicken on her tray because she’s stuffed on junk food. The mom would change the diaper and hide it instead of leaving it to be weighed.

It was so bizarre and she completely denied doing it even though I saw her. Poor baby.

#27

In the ER, 4 am, teenage girl and her parents arrive, she's been constipated for days and no poop has come out at all. I was busy so I ask the nurse to check if the patient indeed has poop and needs an enema. So a rectal exam is needed. A few minutes later the nurse urgently called me. When we uncovered the girl (she had tons of clothes) we just saw this cute little head popping out. A baby on the way.
' why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant?' I asked
"I'm not pregnant" she kept saying while I was cutting the umbilical cord
She lied to her parents (don't know how to this day) the whole pregnancy. She lived with them. I had to explain everything to the parents. They didn't have a clue and judging by their face, I believed them.

Image credits: drneck

#28

Anything, to be honest. I honestly don't care what you do or don't do. Usually if I'm asking it's because it matters for your health care and if you lie about it all you're doing is putting yourself in danger.

As a more real example, I've had a post transition transgender patient lie about the sex they were born with. I understand it's hard to deal with a lot of the medical community that can be judgemental, but this patient ended up having prostate cancer. Only found out after we scanned them.

Another one lied about having prior back surgery before I was about to send them for an MRI. Did a physical exam and saw the scar. Asked again and they just said they didn't feel it was important and didn't want me to assume it was related to previous surgery. They were there for back and abdominal pain.

#29

I'm just a med student but a doctor shared this with us, she's a gynecologist and this women came to her complaining about how she hasn't gotten her periods in few months and well she was showing menopausal symptoms and in fact she looked almost 50 but she kept saying she's only 30 and she can't have menopause. It has a funny ending, when the doctor asked if the women had a kid and she said yes he's 27 y/o. Idk why people lie about their age but this was a funny story for the whole class

Image credits: doctorbanns

#30

My little brother was a nurse for about a decade. He has said many times that people stick anything up their butts. From lightbulbs to hairbrushs to a golf shoe. And at first it's hilarious. Then after a year or so it's not funny because you've seen way too many distended buttholes.

Then after a decade or so it starts to get funny again because you think you've seen everything and then one day a 45 year old man is driven to the hospital by his wife and he has a golf shoe up his a*s and he told his wife that he and the boys were golfing and he slipped in the locker room and it got rammed up there completely disregarding the fact that the part of the shoe that is inside him is covered in Vaseline...

Image credits: Jasole37

#31

Retired Paramedic here. The dumbest thing I saw patients lie about and think we'd fall for?

Hmm, that's tough. It'd be either the unconscious fakers or the drug seekers. The way to quickly check if a patient is conscious or not is I touched my gloved finger to their eye. If you blink, I got ya! That's when I'd get down in the floor and say, I know you're faking. Here's what we're gonna do, I'm gonna help you up and you're going to get up, act your age and stop freaking your family out.

The seekers were always, I'm allergic to most pain killers, but I'm not allergic to the, how ya say it, laudid stuff?

Straight to triage you go!!

#32

Nurse here. The absolute dumbest thing patients have said...and to be fair this was the patients parents since I was in Pedi but still dumb AF and caused no end of grief trying to unspin it.

I was rooming patients and I went to the full lobby and called the next one in by last name. They stand up and mom and dad bring the little girl back. I'm rooming them, take the vitals, review purpose of visit, make some adjustments to the chart, update their pharmacy and allergies and go out and let the pediatrician know they are ready.

The pediatrician goes into the room and come out like 3 minutes later and says...that's not my patient, where is my patient? I'm like wtf? I go in and ask the parents and no in fact they were not the patient. I'm like why did you say you were someone you were not? They simply said they didn't want to wait so they just came back.

We had to completely unspin all the changes to the chart and had to get legal involved to make sure there were no HIPAA violations, which fortunately, there weren't. I'm fascinated that people can collectively think...yeah, let's do this, no one will know. Like, how does that even play out in their minds?

#33

A common one is about their smoking. Smoking is an enormous risk factor for fracture nonunion, meaning a fracture that doesn’t heal. When I walk into a nonunion patient’s exam room and it smells like a cigar den, I know they smoke. But they’ll tell me they don’t right to my face. Before signing them up for revision surgery I’ll commonly order a urine test for nicotine metabolites. Often it’ll turn out positive and suddenly surprised pikachu face.
.

Image credits: Anthrotekkk

#34

Part of my job is dealing with medical records- my favorite part is when you are reading the doctors notes and you can tell they are fed up with the patients b******t from their tone.

“Patient in for routine colonoscopy, asked if solids consumed in 24 hrs prior, patient confirms no. In process of procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in colon and cannot continue. Patient specifically instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this happened prior visit.”

Image credits: YourStolenCharizard

#35

Former ER nurse: not a “lie” but a very very vague explanation. I’m taking a brief history on a patient with shortness of breath, I ask about any cardiac conditions. She says “I have a thing in my heart”. Despite all kinds of follow-up questions I couldn’t get any answers out of her about WHAT was in her heart. Did you have a surgery or procedure to put something in it? Is the “thing” something you were born with, like a hole in your heart? Are you on any medications for it? Was it a clot, does that sound familiar? I listen to her heart, no murmurs or clicking of a mechanical valve. I take a look at her chest, no surgical scar or pacemaker battery. I never did find out WHAT WAS IN HER HEART because my shift ended.

It was a fun conversation with the ER physician, “soooo…she has ‘something’ in her heart and I have no clue what. Have fun figuring this one out”

#36

High speed MVA, unrestrained passenger in the front seat with both feet on the dash. Fractured her pelvis pretty badly. Consult from orthopedics to identify an odd structure in the region of the soft tissue of the vagina before they try to fix the pelvis. Pt adamantly denies anything is in there. Finally consents to an exam when she’s starting to decompensate from a slowly expanding hematoma. Performed under anesthesia in OR. Roll of cash in a baggie the size of a Campbell’s soup can.

#37

My wife is an SLP that does the evals at her hospital. She said it’s really common to have people come in faking a stroke, and to pretend they can’t speak.

#38

I used to work in physical therapy. An extremely sedentary patient in her mid-50s who had a body type out of a Tim Burton film. Think like an apple on two toothpicks. She told me that when she was in the military in her 20s she was the strongest person on her post. She said she could bench press 500 lbs. She said she was 135 lbs when she could do this. After I told her the bench press record for that weight class for women was 300, which is incredibly impressive, I offered that maybe she forgot and was thinking 225-250, which would still be incredible. No, she doubled down. She proceeded to tell me that she could leg press 900 lbs and overhead press two men sitting on a 2x4. For the record, this lady didn't even know how to perform a body weight squat in a pool with correct form.

#39

Not a surgeon/Dr but my ex husband tried telling a doctor he broke all his knuckles and some of the bones in his hand by closing it in a car door.

He very obviously had boxing fractures. The nurse snorted and laughed when he told his elaborate story about the car door.

#40

I have one right now.

60 year old male hospitalized for an infection following a spinal fusion. He had surgery to remove the infected hardware, and has a cervical collar (neck brace) to stabilize his spine and a treatment plan that says to keep it on 24/7 for 4 weeks. It’s been 16 days and he removed it Sunday night. When confronted he told me that he had cleared it with his surgeon and told them he had removed it. He had not. I explained that he has an extremely unstable spine and the wrong move could result in irreversible quadriplegia, to which he responded, “I don’t think that’s going to happen. Even if there’s an explosion I’ll hold real still.”

On the phone with his sister, shouting into the speaker, he said, “well I took it off because it was so uncomfortable, at first my neck was real stiff but I shook my head a few times and something in there broke loose. It feels much better now.” While his nurse and I stared at each other in silent horror.

#41

1) A patient arrived with a bandage on his head saying he had fallen from his bed and injured it. After 1h in the waiting room, after removing the bandage, I could see part of his brain. Dude was in debt with drug dealers and was dragged through a highway tied to a car.

2) A middle aged man who lied about not taking viagra during a heart attack. This is a big problem because the medication we use may interact with the blue pill and worsen the condition. A high price to pay in order to defend some dumb idea of masculinity.

#42

One my favorite things I wrote my first year out of medical school:

“Please note patient has stated multiple times that he wants to leave and would leave AMA(against medical advice). He asked multiple times whether he could eat and stating he is hungry. Explained to patient that we would like to start a full liquid diet first and if he tolerated it well, would transition to regular foods. However, pt ordered chinese food delivery instead. Then, patient was complaining of a headache. Was given Tylenol for the headache. Patient stated that this did not help him. His sister at bedside went to the nearby pharmacy and bought Goody powder (aspirin). Sister did ask whether she could give him Goody powder. She was told not to give patient the Goody powder. She supposedly did not.”

For context, the patient had a catastrophic GI bleed from taking too much aspirin.